I'm Not Afraid to Eat Alone

Updated: Nov 30, 2019

I'm a woman I know what I bring to the table. I know what I'm worth and I know what I want. I don't NEED you to accompany me. When you do share your time I will value your time as you value mine. (( 2019 63cm x 83cm ))

'I'm not afraid to eat alone' was one of my first painting and I never thought myself as a painter/artist. I never learned any painting - I was told I'm terrible at painting in school. I hit yet another depression (or inward reflection), writing was no longer enough to express my feelings, sports wasn't giving me release any more. I needed to find something creative so I can express the many different emotions I felt trapped inside myself. I started creating, My first choose was palette knife. I could feel my body pouring all my emotions onto the canvas as if I went in a tunnel vision, a state of mind. Many people asked if I used a model, I don't use models to copy. I was just pouring all my feelings and let whatever come to me for me to express. Somehow I feel all this was never me or in there words the universe somehow guided me and pushed me to a bottom to do this in order to be well and okay in this world.

I never though of having my painting sold at all. It did and it happened very quickly. At first I didn't want it to be sold as to me this is something very personal. I never understood why artist were attached to their paintings now I do. it is a piece of you that you dare to let out in the world and share your own conscious.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down

in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn…

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